Mind Cancer

Wow, it’s been a while since I posted anything here. August was a slow month at the house, mostly because AE started school, and that hasn’t been fun. AJ signed him up for football, which he wanted to do, but he has refused to go to most of the practices. The coach told him that if he doesn’t show up, he won’t play. I agree with that. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t put in the work, you don’t get the benefits.

September wasn’t much different. We’re still dealing with AE and his bullshit, so nothing new there.

The one bright spot was getting the xTool Omni UV printer. I’ve been working with it for a while now, and it has already grown the business and side hustle I’ve had going for some time. The only challenge has been getting ink from xTool, but it should arrive soon, and then I can get back to working on orders for customers.

We weren’t able to celebrate our one-year anniversary. AE was pitching a fit all weekend, and AJ got into an argument with her sister about spending time with their mother. Her sister apparently wanted all of that time to herself and didn’t want to share. I didn’t really understand what was going on between them, so I stayed out of it for the most part and just listened while AJ talked it through.

I’m also still not getting paid for the car, and it’s become an ongoing issue. I’m about to send CL a certified letter demanding that he pay in full or I’ll take him to court. I know this is going to sound shitty, but I’m going to wait to send it until we’re back from the Thanksgiving trip AJ booked. I don’t want to ruin that trip for myself, and I know he’ll get the letter right before Christmas. It will give him a firm date to pay by, and if he doesn’t, I’ll file in court for a judgment.

It’s been a while since the emotional affair with KH, and I’m still not over how it was handled. AJ has apologized for her behavior, but she brushed it off as “shit talking” and has never admitted it was an affair. The actions weren’t accidental. They were deliberate. What bothers me most is that she still refuses to acknowledge it or change.

It’s not the only thing that’s stuck with me. AJ once asked me for records so she’d be taken care of if I died, and I gave them to her. She has never done the same for me. It might seem small, but it adds up.

Then there’s the money. While we were on vacation, AJ promised she’d take the money out of Corbin’s check to pay me back for the car. Before we left for Mexico, she even said I’d get $200 of his money. I never saw it, and nothing has come in since the trip.

Recently she told me I wasn’t the only person making her angry, and that there was someone she wanted to punch in the face. I’m not sure what to do with that.

The other day, AJ and I talked during her lunch break, and she asked me to make sure AE ate and took his meds. When I went to talk to him, he was disrespectful and upset that I was still there. I asked if he’d eaten, since he needs to before taking his medication. He said he had: Oreos. Then he took his meds.

Now she wants me to take AE dove hunting in September. I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.

Another shitty day in the neighborhood. AJ and I have been working on a project for a business we’re trying to get off the ground, and with me leaving tomorrow for business travel, she asked if there was anything I wanted to do. I had nothing planned, and she needed to get AE some new school clothes. On the way to the stores, she brought up the birthday party from yesterday. I mentioned that I wasn’t even missed at the party, and she said she disagreed. I don’t know of anyone who would miss me there, since I don’t get along with anyone at those gatherings. I’m sure it was noticed that I wasn’t there, and that’s fine with me. Nothing in my soul wanted to be at the house of someone I consider a thief.

It was an unsuccessful shopping trip, mostly because AE wasn’t willing to go try things on, and AJ doesn’t know his sizes, so she has to guess. That doesn’t work out well for anyone. During the outing, she mentioned wanting to stop by the local winery to meet up with someone about some things we’re working on, so we did.

I really thought she was becoming less distant, but I was wrong again. After we got home, I tried to flirt with her a little and didn’t even get a reaction. It’s been seven days of her being distant. This brings back a lot of emotion, because the last time she was this distant was during her affair with KH. I don’t know if they’ve started talking again or what, but that’s all I can think about now.

She says this time of year is hard for her, since it’s when things started going downhill with her late husband. All I know is that between the secrecy lately and her going back on her promises, it’s taking a real toll on what’s left of our relationship. My trust for her is at about 25% right now, and that’s no way to be with a spouse. Since the affair, it’s really never gotten above 50%, and it feels like she breaks it down a little more every day. I’m getting to the point where I’m starting not to care anymore. I don’t like that feeling.

Today was not a good day. It was CL’s little girl’s birthday, and I’d already told AJ I wasn’t going. So I looked for something else to do and ended up driving down to Houston for an event that didn’t really amount to anything. It was a first look at a new machine I have on pre-order and am just waiting to arrive.

On the way to Houston, I was talking with AJ, and she told me that lately all I do is piss her off and she wants to punch me in the face. She cut the call pretty short after that, and we went most of the day with no calls or texts. I did text her when I was on my way home, and she called me when she was on her way home, but other than that, we didn’t have much communication.

I wanted to believe it was just because of the birthday party she was at, but I have second thoughts on that now. While we were doing things around the house, she was on FaceTime with CL. He brought up sending something, and she cut him off since I was in the area and could hear the conversation. She spoke loudly over him so I wouldn’t hear what was being said, but the only time he asks her to send something is because he wants money, and I’m pretty sure she did. I don’t have proof, but after the FaceTime call, she messed with her phone, and I’m pretty sure that’s what she was doing.

She’s promised me over and over that she was going to stop supporting him financially, but that hasn’t stopped. She’s also promised that since his school check goes into her account, she’d make sure the car payment gets to me. I haven’t gotten a car payment since we were in Florida for the weekend back in April of this year.

Later in the evening, as she was sitting on the couch, I told her I was headed to bed and leaned in to give her a kiss good night, and she backed away from me.

Today was a decent day. Taking a step back from dealing with AE’s actions has been pretty good for my mental health. I don’t think AJ’s happy with it, since she’s been very distant since our conversation in the bedroom where she told me I needed to change. I’ve been keeping my distance, and when he comes into the room, I find a way to leave and do something else. She’s the one who allows this behavior to continue, and it’s not fair to the rest of us in the house to have to deal with it.

AJ and I were able to meet up with some friends this evening, and we went to a Serial Killer Speakeasy show in the next town over. The show was okay, but the company was a good time.

Today was a hard day. AE got back from “working” with AJ’s late husband’s family. He was excited because he’d earned enough money to replace the phone he destroyed. When AJ got home from work, we planned on taking him to get his phone, but when it came time to leave, he pitched a fit that I was going, so I refused to go.

When they got to the store, AJ called me, very upset, because AE had apparently told her that all I do is yell at him. I didn’t have a response for her on the phone, and she ended the call pretty quickly. When she got home, she asked me to follow her into the bedroom and proceeded to tell me that the relationship with AE needs to improve and that I needed to change. I tried to figure out where all of this was coming from, since I hadn’t seen AE in almost three weeks, and I tried to explain that to AJ, but she wasn’t hearing any of it.

At the end of the conversation, I told her that I’m going to have very limited interactions with AE moving forward. She’s going to have to handle everything that deals with him, since I’m stepping back from any interaction with him. I said I’d only step in if there was danger to anyone or anything. She wasn’t happy with the stance I was taking, but I’m out of ideas dealing with this kid.

What really gets me about all of this is that I hadn’t seen this kid in three weeks. Where did this come from? AJ telling me I need to change, while she’s inconsistent with everything. How is that helpful?

This week AE was at grief camp again, for the second year in a row. Next year will be his last, since they only allow someone to attend for three years. AJ wasn’t aware of that, so she said that after next year, she’s going to have to find a place for him to go so we can still do our annual trip. I have a feeling she’s going to want to take him, and that’s not something I’m planning on doing. She’s getting more and more pushy about traveling with AE, and given how this kid acts and treats me, that’s not something I’m willing to even think about.

This week I spent in Dallas, TX for training for work.  I am not going to lie, it kinda has been relaxing.

With AE going to his adventure camp this week, AJ and I decided we’d finally take our honeymoon. We chose Cancun, Mexico, since it wasn’t too expensive and the flights were short. We stayed at The Vine Cancun, an adults-only resort. It wasn’t a bad resort overall, though the food started getting to me toward the end of the stay.

We took a couple of excursions. One was a catamaran trip out to an island, which we later found out was a Mexican National Park, so it turned out we stuck to a bit of a National Parks theme on this trip. We also went to a zip line park, which was just okay and not something I’d plan to go back to.

While we were there, AJ got a message from a friend about a photo shoot involving a wind dress, and she looked into it. She really wanted to do it, so she booked a session with the photographer, and the photos turned out amazing.

One of the best parts of the trip was in the evenings, when sea turtles would come up on the beach to lay their eggs. One night we went out and talked with one of the conservationists, who showed us how they collected the eggs after they were laid. One morning, during a walk on the beach, we found a sea turtle egg and reported it to one of the people caring for the eggs. They came and collected it, adding it to the others.

A year ago, we made plans to take the RV to Wind Point Park near Dallas, TX for the 4th of July. This was a trip we’d been excited about for a year, and we actually made it happen. We spent the weekend with her brother, since he lives in the same area, about 20 minutes away.

The firework show is amazing, since it’s put on by all the people staying there. We did notice there were a lot fewer people than last year, and we weren’t sure why. Of course, AE had to do things his way, arguing and not paying attention to what anyone asked of him. By the end of the trip, we decided we’re not going to go back. Not that it was a bad time, but we’re searching for something we all enjoy and can do year after year. We just know this location wasn’t it.